Is Time A Healer? Many warned me that the second year of bereavement would be harder than the first, and they were right. This year was marked by milestones—New Year, our daughter’s birthday, our wedding day, your birthday, my birthday, and finally, your death anniversary—and I have walked through each one alone. The road we once planned to travel together now feels uneven, uncertain, and far longer than I ever imagined. With every step, I question whether time truly heals, or merely teaches us how to carry loss more quietly.
When Anniversaries Deepen Grief and Love Endures
Our wedding anniversary passed this year, and it was the worst day I would consider during this grief journey. Regi, your love blessed my life in ways I still discover, and I remain devoted to preserving your legacy always.. Grieving is a normal, natural reaction to loss. When loved ones are lost, birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays trigger emotions, yet you remain etched in soul and heart forever.
Today is the 2nd year of remembrance day, and it is 723 days since 20th Dec 2020. Time flies over us but leaves its shadow behind. I complete daily chores with hope, yet certain places still hurt deeply, reviving memories of painful moments we shared. The whole of Chennai haunts me, and my eyes get diluted whenever I pass these landmarks. Especially when I cross Kumaran Hospitals, my anger reaches its peak as it triggers a series of scenes you went through there. It is a nightmare you underwent, but with so much courage, you handled it gracefully. As I travel to Egmore, I see Sacred Heart Church every Friday, where you always stopped to seek his mercy. Passing Marina Beach and your old college, your presence lingers, leaving me wondering whether time heals or simply preserves memories
Places That Still Speak Your Name
The familiar rush of Santhome High Road always draws me toward Besant Nagar Church, where you made it a ritual to visit Velankanni Church on the first Saturday of every month. On our way back, we never missed breakfast at Sangeetha, followed by a quiet stop at Aavarnam on TTK Road, where you admired elegant dresses and chose them with such care. Driving along Kasturi Rangan Road brings back memories of your favorite ice cream spot, Amelies, where simple moments always felt special.
Passing through Shivaji Ganesan Road in T. Nagar reminds me of your generosity toward St. Theresa’s Orphanage, offered quietly without seeking attention. As the road leads to Nungambakkam, I still picture the Golden Sun restaurant, where we celebrated our daughter’s first birthday, and your joy in selecting graceful jewelry from VBJ at Gemini Circle. Even near Valluvar Kottam, I remember the remarkable network you built—messages arriving promptly, inviting you to exhibitions, a testament to how deeply you connected with people.
Further, I drive down to Chetpet. I remember your love for the Harrington Road chapel and Dynasty restaurant, where you savored Chinese dishes, especially beef fry and honeyed lamb. It will not be correct if I miss mentioning the Anjeer Barfi you like from Sree Mithai in Spur tank road. As I move to reach Anna Nagar, I recollect your first job at Anna Adharsh College, your favourite beauty parlour – Kanya in Shanthi colony, the pasta from Pantry Dor and the Pizza from Café Arabica and it goes on and on, non-stop. Every day you appear and show up in some form for me to stay in touch with you.
Since I recall Kanya your regular salon, you visit to take care of your skin wellness, and this lady called on your old mobile number to check since you have not been there for a long time. She cried and sobbed and didn’t believe that you were no more. Even after two years, I am not able to accept your absence. You practised your well-being and joy in every season of womanhood. All I have to remember is your beautiful gorgeous face and reassuring smile. You lived your life to suit your lifestyle, career, fashion, beauty, food, home and outdoor travel. You lived as a woman, teaching students, conducting online classes, preparing university question papers, and managing semester exams until end.. The lifestyle for you was habits, attitudes, and moral standards, which constitute the way of life.
I hear you whispering to me, saying keep going. You keep me moving daily; I set no rules on this painful journey, no right or wrong way to mourn.I have learnt that there are people with my condition who feel better soon than expected, while people like me take a longer time to accept. There are at times I feel guilty about laughing at a joke or willing to visit a friend. I don’t try to ignore my grief. This world is cruel and opportunistic to take mileage out of the situation and you being no more.
Grief’s Companion Is Love, Not Despair
Life brings surprises and deception, yet I choose optimism while navigating the city, carrying resilience through this defining trauma daily. I cherish the memories of the moments we shared together. As I move forward, grief walks beside me, while love’s grace slowly softens emptiness over time with patience, resilience, hope. With growing strength and understanding, I trust grief will transform into a deeper, quieter, enduring connection with you. The pain of loss tempered not the love; on the contrary, the love has humbly and gracefully evolved into an everyday act of love. In times of sorrow, a comforting love brings strength when I am afraid and a fond smile at the thought of your face.
I miss you deeply, especially at Christmas—those marzipan and rich plum cakes you baked make me wonder, is time a healer, or does it simply sharpen longing?. The balance you apply with the ingredients like the almond, cashews, flour, butter, eggs, sugar and vanilla extract to get the best is not the mix but your thoughtfulness and experience. You could have stayed back for a little more time but not at the cost of the acute pain you were undergoing, and I find solace to the extent that you left this rude and crude world, which is not worthy for a wonderful person like you to suffer here.
To say I miss you can in no way explain my loss, and I understand that life goes on even with a broken heart. I am searching for you and sure to find you, and soon we will meet again! These blogs, I pen, are a creative way to process my grief and pain and express my attachment to you.https://safetotraveltoindia.com/regi-fernando-lost-and-found/
Regi Akka not a day passes by without thinking about you. I have always looked up to you as my role model. I agree Anna it is extremely hard for you, as I myself can’t accept that she is no longer with us. We cannot understand the great things He does and to his miracles there’s no end. Job 9:10 But God will never abandon the faithful. He will let you laugh and shout again. She continues to live let’s celebrate her life.