Four years later, your memory still brings both tears and smiles. A bittersweet reminder of the joy you brought to our life the day you went away. Today is such a painful day, full of sadness and grief for us. As we mourn the moment that you left, recalling how life used to be. You were someone special who left your mark on so many lives. Things just haven’t been the same since we said goodbye. The bond we shared will never end, even though we are apart. I find comfort in the memories deep within my heart. This heartfelt message is for you, and we miss you more than words can say. The world lost someone precious on the day you went away, I will carry the grief and their memory for the rest of my life. Four years have passed since you left me, and I’m still feeling very alone. I am tense every year to go through another year without you. Every year, the gradient increases and the trek is uphill, and I can feel the oxygen level dropping. There isn’t a slope downhill, and the ascent will get steeper with time. Aside from working for a living, I am preparing myself to continue this painful path without you. I occasionally take a break to rediscover who I am by visiting new places and meeting new people.
Joy and elation filled our hearts on 17th May 1999 when we came together with dreams of a lifetime partnership. I can vividly recall our first journey to Kodai and our last adventure to Bangkok in 2018. Those memories remain colourful, and I can almost feel your presence each time I think of them. Our relationship encompassed more than just enjoyment; we navigated disagreements and agreements to truly comprehend each other’s preferences. We shared a deep understanding of mental and physical love, striving to reach the fullest extent of knowing one another. I often wish we had a bit more time in this world together.
I find it intriguing to see those who were close to you navigate their lives effortlessly, and I often try to emulate them, only to fall short each time. I cannot force someone to feel the same way as I feel because the bond we had may not be the same for others. There are many days when I feel overwhelmed by what lies ahead, but I bolster my spirits by reminding myself that this feeling won’t persist indefinitely, and I keep moving forward. For many, life is lovely with all its ups and downs, I focus on living in the moment and cherishing the memories I have of you as a pastime. My life has transformed since your departure, yet I understand that this world keeps moving, regardless of individual circumstances.
Illness and Suffering: I’ve come to terms with the idea that it’s preferable to depart rather than endure pain. It’s the physical and emotional anguish you would have experienced by witnessing the events and individuals around you. Is it cruel of nature to subject someone like you to unbearable distress? I’m uncertain about whom to hold accountable. Is it the cosmos or who? I attempted to keep you, but there was no assistance available. Occasionally, I seek answers to questions that remain unanswered, yet I persist in my quest. My attempts may seem futile, but they bring me a sense of comfort. https://shorturl.at/rWaEZ
Some weeks, I achieved the impossible. Other weeks, I struggle to get out of bed. Regardless of the situation, you have given me strength and courage. I am filled with appreciation for the values you instilled in me. You helped me realize that we often get caught up not in figuring out what to do but in understanding how to live authentically. Life is not just a list of achievements; it’s a blend of experiences, feelings, and relationships that reflect who we are.
Family and duties shaped our journey together, and in giving us the gift of life, you endured the challenges of bringing our daughter into this world. Your commitment to instilling values in our child is what makes her resemble you, and I am grateful for that. As a teacher, you devoted yourself to uplifting students from diverse backgrounds. https://shorturl.at/Q4T3p
The future has brought feelings of intense pain, yet also deep love for you. I am grateful to those who continue to express kindness and empathy towards me. Their support has been instrumental in helping me find my purpose in life. Your absence has prompted changes in several areas: both positive and negative. The presence of you within me is invaluable, and I am doing my utmost to nurture and pass on those traits to our child. As a single father, I cannot replicate your responsibilities as a mother. This journey has been difficult so far; the patience you once showed me and your dedicated efforts to help me improve are undoubtedly beneficial now. https://shorturl.at/l6Fjx
I meet you in my dreams, and it feels like a guiding message from you to navigate the rest of my life with gratitude and kindness, just as you always did. No one knows the depths of my suffering over the years. I have faced my most vulnerable version of myself and recognized that it took everything within me to overcome my quiet struggles. There were moments when I nearly gave up and lost my sense of self, inflicting pain upon myself in the process. Few realize how often I fought to endure these challenges, and I take pride in still being here. I have witnessed the saddest version of myself, utterly broken and desolate, but through it, I discovered my inner strength and learned to forgive myself for accepting less than I truly deserve. I embraced self-acceptance and appreciation, enduring a painful four-year journey, yet I emerged resilient and gained valuable insights about the people I once believed would support me during your absence. https://shorturl.at/Cf8IE
Although we are walking in different directions, I believe there will come a time when our paths will converge again for our reunion. I eagerly anticipate our meeting.
I am certain of nothing, I am not even sure I am certain of that!
